Psychologist names five ways to respond to children’s tantrums

September 6, 2026 - 19:37

Child development expert Julie Fraga recently offered a straightforward guide for parents facing the difficult moment when a child loses control. Instead of viewing a tantrum as bad behavior that needs punishment, Fraga encourages caregivers to see it as a form of communication. Her advice focuses on staying calm and looking beneath the surface of the outburst.

The first step, according to Fraga, is for the adult to regulate their own emotions. A child in distress picks up on a parent's anxiety, which can make the situation worse. Taking a slow breath and lowering your voice can signal safety. The second step involves identifying the immediate cause. Is the child hungry, tired, or overstimulated? Often, a tantrum is simply the result of a missed nap or a skipped snack.

Fraga also suggests checking for hidden stressors. A big change at home, like a new sibling or starting school, can make small frustrations feel huge. She recommends asking yourself what might be weighing on the child's mind before reacting to the noise. The fourth tip is to name the feeling out loud. Saying "You are really angry that we have to leave the park" helps a child feel understood and builds emotional vocabulary.

Finally, Fraga advises waiting until the storm passes before discussing consequences or solutions. Reasoning with a child mid-tantrum rarely works. Once the crying stops, offer a hug and a simple explanation. This approach does not mean giving in to demands. It means teaching a child that big feelings are manageable and that they have a safe adult to help them through it. Consistency with these steps, Fraga notes, can reduce the frequency and length of tantrums over time.