The Psychology of Regret: Why We Hold on to the Past

9 February 2026

Regret is like that uninvited guest at a party—it shows up without warning, lingers a little too long, and makes you question how you got there. We’ve all felt it. Maybe it was a missed opportunity, a word spoken in anger, or a decision that didn’t pan out the way we hoped.

But why do we cling to regret like a bad habit? Why do we let past mistakes haunt us, even when we know we can't change them? Let’s dive into the psychology of regret and figure out why our brains love to dwell on the past— and, more importantly, how we can let go of it.

What Is Regret, Really?

Regret is an emotional response to something we perceive as a mistake. It’s that little voice in your head whispering (or sometimes shouting), “If only I had done things differently...”

Psychologists define regret as a type of cognitive dissonance—when our past actions don’t align with our current values or desires. In simple terms, it’s a clash between what “was” and what “could have been.”

But here’s the kicker: Regret isn’t always bad. In small doses, it can actually help us learn, grow, and make better choices in the future. The problem arises when we hold onto regret like a security blanket, refusing to let go even when it serves no purpose.

Why Do We Hold On to Regret?

So, if regret is just another emotion, why does it stick around like gum on a shoe? Let’s break it down.

1. The Brain Loves to Rewind

Our brains are wired to reflect on past experiences. This is part of our survival instinct—learning from mistakes helps us avoid repeating them. But sometimes, our minds go overboard, replaying past events like a bad movie on repeat.

2. We Overestimate the “What Ifs”

Ever heard of the phrase hindsight is 20/20? When looking back, we tend to believe we could have made a better choice, even if, realistically, we had no way of knowing the outcome. We create a fantasy version of what could have happened, making our actual choice feel even worse.

3. Emotions Cloud Judgment

Regret is tied to emotions like guilt, shame, and disappointment. When these emotions take center stage, logic gets shoved to the side. We forget that everyone makes mistakes and, instead, beat ourselves up over things we can’t change.

4. We Link Regret to Our Identity

Sometimes, we let our past mistakes define us. Instead of viewing regret as a learning experience, we internalize it, thinking, “I made a bad decision, therefore, I am a bad person.” This unhealthy mindset makes it much harder to move on.

5. Social Media Doesn’t Help

Let’s be real—social media is a breeding ground for comparison. When we see others seemingly living perfect lives, it's easy to regret our own choices and feel like we’ve fallen behind. But remember, people only post their highlights, not their struggles.

The Two Types of Regret: Action vs. Inaction

Did you know that regret falls into two main categories?

- Regret of Action – This is when you regret something you did. Maybe you said something hurtful in an argument, made a bad financial decision, or wore that questionable outfit in high school pictures.

- Regret of Inaction – This is the dreaded “What if?” regret. It’s when you regret NOT doing something—like not pursuing your dream job, not telling someone how you felt, or not taking a chance when you had it.

Surprisingly, studies show that people tend to regret inaction more than action in the long run. Why? Because missed opportunities leave room for endless what-ifs, while mistakes from actions usually come with lessons and closure.

How to Let Go of Regret and Move Forward

Alright, enough of the heavy talk—how do we actually move past regret? Here are some simple yet effective ways to break free from the past.

1. Accept That You’re Human

First things first—stop being so hard on yourself! Everyone makes mistakes. Every single person walking this earth has regrets. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge your past choices and remind yourself that making mistakes is part of the human experience.

2. Shift Your Perspective

Instead of seeing regret as a punishment, reframe it as a lesson. Ask yourself:
- What did I learn from this experience?
- How can I make better decisions moving forward?

When you see regret as an opportunity for growth, it loses its power over you.

3. Focus on the Present

Regret keeps us stuck in the past, but life is happening right now. Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment. Engage in activities that bring you joy, surround yourself with positive people, and remind yourself that the past cannot be changed, but the future is still yours to shape.

4. Forgive Yourself

Forgiveness isn’t just for others—it’s for you too. Holding onto regret is like carrying a heavy backpack; it slows you down. Let that weight go. Tell yourself, “I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time.” Because, honestly? You did.

5. Take Action Where You Can

Not all regrets are permanent. If there’s something you can do to make amends or correct a past mistake, go for it! Apologize if necessary, fix what can be fixed, and move forward knowing that you’ve done your part.

6. Limit Rumination

Overthinking regretful moments only strengthens their hold on you. The next time you catch yourself stuck in a regret spiral, intentionally distract yourself—go for a walk, call a friend, pick up a hobby. The key is to break the cycle before it consumes you.

7. Seek Professional Help If Needed

If regret is seriously affecting your mental health, don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist. They can help you process your feelings, reframe your thoughts, and provide tools to move forward in a healthy way.

Final Thoughts

Regret is part of life, but it doesn’t have to control you. The past is a closed chapter—you can read it, learn from it, but you don’t have to live in it.

Instead of dwelling on what was, focus on what can be. Life is full of second chances, new opportunities, and fresh beginnings. So, let go of regret, step forward with confidence, and remember—your best moments are still ahead of you.